


And When I Touch You I Feel Happy Inside

by Annonb



Series: Rick/Daryl [7]
Category: The Walking Dead (TV)
Genre: Age Play, Daddy Kink, Diapers, Gen, Infantilism, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-02-14
Updated: 2017-06-01
Packaged: 2018-09-24 07:10:48
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 9,137
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9710342
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Annonb/pseuds/Annonb
Summary: Daryl has a secret he can't tell anyone and feelings he isn't so sure about. After an encounter with a mutual friend at the store, Daryl starts panicking that a simple touch could mean something more. And if it does, where does that leave him?





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> WARNING!!! There is some very offensive language in this update. I don't condone it one bit. But based on Merle and Daryl's behavior and the mentions of their past, this is how I imagined it.

"Merle? What is this?"

 

Merle smirked at his baby brother. 

 

"Ya don't know what that is?"

 

Daryl shook his head as he flipped through the pages of the magazine. He scrunched up his face in discontent when he unfolded the picture in the middle.

 

"She ain't got no clothes on!"

 

Merle snickered. 

 

"That's the point."

 

"Why? It's gross."

 

Merle raised an eyebrow at him. 

 

"How old are ya kid?"

 

"Seven," Daryl said quietly. He didn't like that look. When Merle made that face is usually was followed up with something painful.

 

"Ya ought'a quit runnin' your mouth with shit like that. Ya want people callin' ya a fag?"

 

"What's a fag?"

 

"It means ya like suckin' off other men."

 

Daryl didn't know what he meant by that, but he pretended like he did.

 

Merle leaned over Daryl and stared at him critically. 

 

"Actually, ya already kinda seem like one. You're weak and you're constantly cryin' about somethin', constantly wantin' your mama." Merle smiled mischievously at him. "You're not a fag, are ya, baby brother? Ya like men?"

 

Daryl curled up and shifted away. 

 

"No! Shut up Merle!"

 

"Ya better not be. Ya know what people do to them, don't ya?"

 

Daryl shook his head. He didn't want to know. Maybe his mama was in a good mood today and he could go be with her. Merle was making his tummy hurt.

 

"Well, first they'll tie ya up. Then they'll beat ya til every bone in your body is broken, and then when ya think they're done, they'll light up a match and-"

 

"Shut up Merle!" Daryl yelled as he scrambled off the bed. He wiped his eyes before hurrying out of the room.

 

Merle chuckled. 

 

"Just tellin' ya how it is, baby brother."

 

\-------------------------------------

 

"Okay, bud. Are you ready?" 

 

Daryl nodded.

 

"What's the rule about goin' out?"

 

"Stay wif Daddy," Daryl grumbled as he tried to wiggle away from Rick. The other man was getting him bundled up to fight the cold winds. It was Daryl's opinion that he didn't need a hat, mittens, scarf, and a big coat. It was too much. "Daddy! Ain't that cold out. Don' need dis stuff!"

 

"Daryl," Daddy warned. "It is that cold and you're not back on your feet yet. If you get sick there's a real risk of it getting serious."

 

Daryl pouted but allowed Rick to finish dressing him.

 

Rick couldn't help but chuckle at Daryl's expression while being so bundled up. 

 

"So cute," Rick smiled as he picked him up and set him on his hip.

 

Daryl huffed a little at that, but he was hiding a grin on the inside. No one ever thought he was cute before, and now he had Rick telling him all the time. It didn't matter what he was wearing, saying, or if he was even handing out an intense death glare, Rick found it cute.

 

Rick grabbed the messenger bag that served as a diaper bag from the kitchen table and headed towards the garage door. As they passed through the laundry room Daryl waved at Beau who was sleeping soundly on a pile of clean towels.

 

"See ya, Beau. We'll bring ya back a treat."

 

Rick snorted. 

 

"I think Beau doesn't need any more treats til he works off the ones he's already eaten." 

 

He entered the garage and opened the car door before settling Daryl into the front seat and buckling him in.

 

"Daddy," Daryl sighed. "Beau ain't fat! He's jus' ex'ra furry right now 'cause 's cold. An'mals eat lots and get more fur when winter comes."

 

Rick laughed as he slid into the driver's seat. 

 

"I'm not sure it's the same case for all animals, bud. I think Beau is getting a little chubby because a certain baby is sneakin' him treats when he thinks Daddy isn't looking."

 

Daryl smirked and shook his head. 

 

"Not dis baby."

 

"Not you? So, I guess we have someone else sneakin' in our house and giving him the food they don't want to eat."

 

"I eat my food, Daddy," Daryl defended.

 

"Of course you do," Rick smirked as he pulled out onto the street. "As long as it's not green, fish, or has any nutritional value whatsoever," he teased.

 

The two chatted happily as Rick drove to their nearby grocery store. Once he had the car parked and turned off he reached over and unbuckled Daryl.

 

"Stay right there til I come get you. There's a lot of people rushin' around to get supplies before the storm hits."

 

Daryl nodded and waited for Rick to come help him. Everyone was so nervous about the upcoming snowstorm. He couldn't understand why. Snow seemed fun. When he was a kid back in Georgia he wished every winter it would snow. These "Chicagoers" acted like it was a curse.

 

Rick opened the door and double checked to make sure Daryl's hat was on and his coat was still zipped. As soon as that was done, Daryl hopped out of the car. Rick instantly grabbed his hand.

 

Daryl loved any type of contact with Rick, but he couldn't help the blush that crept across his cheeks. They were in public!

 

An old woman stared at them as they passed by.

 

Rick was going to stir up trouble and he might get hurt. Two men weren't allowed to hold hands. Daryl felt a twinge of pain in his heart at the thought, he liked Rick touching him. How could someone like touching another person be wrong? Still, he tried to pull his hand back.

 

"No, no," Rick admonished quietly. "People are panicked about the snow. You stay with me." 

 

As if to prove his point, someone blew their car horn.

 

Daryl jumped. People were getting angry at them. They were going to get beat up and Daddy was going to get hurt.

 

Rick led them into the store and let go of the other man's hand to grab a cart.

 

"I'm gonna push this, so you need to stay right by me, okay?"

 

Daryl nodded. His tummy was twisting and he just wanted to go home.

 

Rick noticed something was off with his baby. 

 

"Are you alright little man?"

 

Daryl gave a shrug. 

 

"It's almost time for my nap," he whispered.

 

"Are you tired?"

 

Daryl nodded.

 

"We'll go fast then, okay?"

 

He wanted to say it wasn't okay and scream and stomp his feet until Rick had enough and brought him home, but he obediently stuck to the other man's side as they wandered from aisle to aisle.

 

Rick tried to keep up a gentle patter as he grabbed the items they needed. He knew something was bothering the other man. Daryl saying he was tired was code for "something is bothering me". Eventually, the little boy's nerves seemed to calm somewhat because he started sneaking junk food into the cart.

 

As they rounded the corner to the next aisle they were met by a familiar face.

 

"Hey, you two!"

 

"Hi, Elaina," Rick greeted.

 

Daryl gave a little wave.

 

"Hey, little cutie," she said with a wink.

 

Daryl smiled bashfully and sidled closer to Rick.

 

Elaina worked with Rick. Like everyone else he worked with, she knew about their lifestyle. Daddy had become a valuable asset to the company, but he had to let them know where his priorities were. Daryl was always going to come first and the little time he spent at the office the baby had to be with him. It was hard to explain why without telling them some of the truth. Why and how it all started had to be kept a secret, though. He highly doubted anyone would believe him about their walker infested life. They'd probably throw him into a nut house before the government got wind he told the truth, leaving Daryl alone.

 

Everyone Rick worked with was supportive and understanding, especially Elaina. She always made sure Daryl had something to do when he was at the office and kept special treats for him in her desk.

 

"You're so adorable. So, is this just a weekly grocery run or are you two stocking up for the storm?"

 

"A little of both, I guess. It never hurts to be prepared," Rick replied.

 

"I hear that. Hey, I was sad to find out you weren't coming to the company's anniversary party next month."

 

Rick smiled at her. 

 

"Well, I don't think I could sit through somethin' like that."

 

"Me neither, but I'm in charge of the toast. I don't know why it has to be me," she said as she placed her hand on Rick's arm and rubbed it slightly. "I'm going to miss not having you there."

 

Daryl narrowed his eyes at her. Why was she touching him like that? And what was going on with her eyes? There was some sort of twinkle in them. Did she... Did she like Rick? Like more than a friend? And Rick wasn't removing her hand. Did he like her back? But Rick was his... Daddy...

 

"Well, I better let you two go so you don't get caught in the storm. See you guys later. Come and see me soon okay, Daryl?"

 

Daryl gave a small nod, but wouldn't look at her. His tummy was twisted again and his chest felt tight.

 

Elaina gave one last goodbye before walking away.

 

"Sorry about that, bud. We just have a few more things to get. What should we get Beau?"

 

Daryl shrugged.

 

"Are you okay, Daryl?" Rick asked as he squeezed his shoulder.

 

"I gotta take my nap," Daryl whispered.


	2. Chapter 2

"Daryl," Rick said quietly before double checking to make sure the woman checking them out was focused on bagging the groceries and not on their conversation. "You have to tell me when you're upset."

 

"I ain't," Daryl replied softly.

 

"You are otherwise our cart would be overflowing with junk food and cat toys."

 

Daryl shook his head and brought up his mittened hand to his mouth. 

 

"'m jus' tired."

 

Rick nodded slowly as he loaded the last items onto the counter. He certainly wasn't going to leave it at that, but he wasn't going to make Daryl have a tantrum in public. He quickly paid and placed the bags in the cart. He was pretty sure Daryl had the rule of staying close drilled in and by the way he was behaving he wasn't in the mood for wandering. He zipped the other man's coat the rest of the way and led him to the car.

 

As soon as Rick had the hatchback open Daryl attempted to help put the bags in, but Rick stilled his hand.

 

"It's alright, buddy. You just get in the car and rest."

 

"I can help," Daryl insisted.

 

"I know you can," Rick smiled. "You're the best helper there is. But you're tired and I want you to relax." He handed Daryl the diaper bag. "I'll be there in a minute."

 

Daryl took the bag, but instead of heading for the front seat, he hopped in the back. He carefully shut the door before putting on his seatbelt. Hidden behind the tinted windows he allowed himself to dig through the bag and take out his blanket. He rubbed the satin lining above his lip. He wanted to suck his thumb, but the mittens were in the way and Daddy might get mad if he took them off.

 

When Rick got in the car, his heart stopped momentarily when he noticed Daryl wasn't sitting next to him. He managed to catch the other man's reflection in the rear-view mirror.

 

"Why are you sittin' back there, bud?"

 

Daryl shrugged.

 

"You seemed fine when we left. Can you tell me what happened?"

 

"No'fin'," Daryl said, raising his voice slightly. "I jus' gotta take my nap an' ya kept talkin' to Elaina."

 

That made Rick turn around. 

 

"It was only for a minute." He stared at the other man for a moment. "Elaina hasn't done anything to you, has she?" Rick didn't think she would. She honestly liked Daryl and enjoyed having him around.

 

"No. She jus' 's constantly yappin' when we have stuff to do."

 

"Daryl, that's not very nice."

 

Daryl shrugged. 

 

"'s true."

 

"I thought you liked Elaina."

 

"Why? Do I have to?" He asked quietly.

 

Rick shook his head. 

 

"You don't have to like anyone you don't want to. I'm just curious why you suddenly have a problem with her."

 

Daryl slumped down and kicked the passenger seat slightly. 

 

"'A'cause 'm tired an' cranky an' hav'ta take my nap."

 

Rick sighed and continued the drive home. The rest of the ride was silent. Daryl seemed lost in thought while Rick tried to backtrack their day. He tried to pinpoint anything that could have caused Daryl's sudden change in attitude, but he couldn't think of anything.

 

When he pulled into the garage and shut the car off he glanced back at Daryl. The other man didn't even seem to notice they were home. He was too busy nibbling his mitten covered thumb and staring at his lap. Rick got out of the car and went to gather Daryl. He decided that the groceries could wait.

 

Daryl jumped when Daddy pulled him into his arms before snagging the diaper bag.

 

"Shh, we're home," he smiled as he shifted Daryl to his hip. Once they were inside, Rick set Daryl down and got him out of his outdoor gear. "Let's get these off," he said as he took the mittens from Daryl's hands.

 

Daryl was thankful for that. Stupid mittens. So what if they kept your hands warm? You still couldn't do anything while wearing them. He slipped his now free thumb into his mouth and held his arms out to Rick.

 

"Up?"

 

Rick grinned at him.

 

"Of course. Let's make you a bottle and get you ready for your nap."

 

"Wha'da 'bout the food?"

 

"It's not goin' anywhere."

 

Rick got the bottle made and managed to tote it, the diaper bag, and Daryl up to the nursery. He set the bag and bottle down on the table next to the rocker before settling Daryl on the changing table.

 

"How about I put you in one of your sleepers?"

 

Daryl shrugged. He was too preoccupied with dangling his blanket to get Beau's attention to care.

 

Lately, Rick had been allowing Daryl to nap in just his shirt and diaper, but seeing as how it was the coldest day of the year so far and judging by the man's behavior, he could use the extra comfort.

 

"Oh, bud, you're soaked," Rick remarked once he had Daryl stripped out of his clothes and untaped the diaper. "Why didn't you say anything?"

 

Daryl shrugged. 

 

"Dunno."

 

Daryl had gotten over his fear of changes in public once Rick had shown him that no one could see through the tinted windows of the SUV. So, it didn't make sense that he would avoid telling him.

 

"Why didn't you say somethin'?" Rick asked again. He didn't know what was bothering Daryl, but he surmised that whatever it was it must've been pretty heavy if he was willing to risk another rash over it. "I know you don't like me checkin' when we're out, but I'm gonna have to start if you don't let me know when you need a change."

 

"Okay," Daryl huffed. He wiggled away when he felt the cold wipe hit his skin.

 

"Daryl hold still and watch the attitude, please," Rick admonished.

 

Daryl stilled his movements and let Rick finish cleaning him up and dressing him.

 

With that task accomplished, Rick picked Daryl up and carried him over to the rocker.

 

"Daddy," Daryl whined as Rick sat down with him and held him close. "I needa sleep now! Lem'me go!"

 

Rick shook his head. 

 

"You need to drink your bottle and tell me why you're upset."

 

Daryl tried to squirm away and push at the other man's hands. 

 

"I ain't hungry an' I already told ya I ain't upset! 'm jus' tired an' cranky! So you jus' better put me down for my nap."

 

Rick couldn't help but snort at that. 

 

"I think you're feelin' somethin' else and you know that not bein' hungry isn't an option around here." He pulled Daryl back and situated him into a cradling position. "Now, start talkin'."

 

Daryl glanced at Rick and then shifted his focus to the wall ahead of him.

 

Talk? He didn't know what to say or how to even say it. He didn't know what he was feeling, but he knew it wasn't right. His thoughts... What he was feeling wasn't right. It was unnatural for one man to... like another man like that. He never told another person that he was... in... liked them a lot before.

 

And what if he did tell the truth? Rick would be disgusted with him. He'd kick him out for sure. So, maybe this was good enough. Maybe just being around Rick, being his baby was enough. Rick held him, kissed him, did everything for him. This wasn't worth losing. If this was as close to a relationship he could have with the other man then that should be enough. At least he was loved. Maybe it wasn't love, love, but it was more than he ever had.

 

But Elaina...

 

"It's too cold," Daryl said softly.

 

"What?"

 

"Cold. 's too cold. It's makin' me mad."

 

Rick sighed. 

 

"You weren't like this yesterday or the day before. It was cold then too," he pointed out.

 

"Not this cold."

 

"So," Rick said slowly. "As soon as we got to the store you felt it was too cold and it got you upset."

 

Daryl nodded. Alright, maybe it sounded pretty farfetched, but he didn't have enough time to think of anything else. If cold weather could make animals eat a lot, grow a bunch of fur, and sleep for months, couldn't the cold make him angry?

 

"Can I have my bottle now? 'm tired."

 

He wasn't an idiot. Rick knew that wasn't the problem.

 

"I suppose the weather could make a person act different. But I think we both know that that's not your problem. You know we're always honest with each other."

 

"But I am. You don' b'lieve me, Daddy?"

 

"I do believe that something is botherin' you. I just don't think it's the weather."

 

"'m hungry too?"

 

Rick detected a small quiver in Daryl's voice, a sign that he pushing too hard and had to stop for now. He reluctantly grabbed the bottle and slipped it into Daryl's mouth.

 

Daryl closed his eyes and drank it quietly.

 

"I think you should take a nap with Daddy in his bed." That usually helped calm the other man's nerves, and well, if he could pry some information out of a sleepy, less aware Daryl then that wouldn't be a bad thing either.

 

"Nu uh, Beau wan' me to sleep inna crib wif him," Daryl mumbled.

 

Rick frowned slightly. Daryl never turned down cuddling in the big bed. Whatever was going on in his head was big. And if Rick could be frank with himself, he felt a little hurt by the rejection.

 

When he leaned his head down to kiss the other man's forehead he noticed Daryl's breathing had evened out. He pulled the half empty bottle away and set it down before standing up and carrying Daryl over to his crib. He placed Daryl inside gently and waited for Beau to jump in and take his usual spot. He brushed the bangs from the younger man's forehead and placed a kiss to his cheek.

 

"Hey," Rick whispered to Beau. "There's a big can of tuna with your name on it if you can get my little guy to open up." He gave one last worried look at Daryl and pulled the side of the crib up.

 

Once Daryl heard the familiar creak of the door being closed and footsteps going down the stairs he sat up and pulled Beau into his arms. He buried his face in the cat's fur and sniffled.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WARNING!!! There is some very offensive language in this update. I don't condone it one bit. But based on Merle and Daryl's behavior and the mentions of their past, this is how I imagined it.

"I'm sorry," Daryl muttered as he pushed himself off the bed. "I- I'm sorry."

 

"Don't worry about it, it's your first time. It happens."

 

Daryl nodded slowly. He glanced at the naked blonde on the bed.

 

She was pretty, what was wrong with him?

 

She grabbed a cigarette from the pack sitting on the nightstand.

 

"I should go," he said nervously.

 

"Now? Aren't you worried about what your jackass friends would say? We weren't in here long."

 

He stopped getting dressed. She was right, it couldn't have been as long as he thought it was.

 

"Sit. If you head out now they'll get suspicious."

 

He sat down on the end of the bed. 

 

"Ya ain't gonna say nothin', right?" He asked around his thumbnail.

 

The woman shook her head before blowing out a cloud of smoke. 

 

"I've got a reputation to keep too, you know?" She stared at him for a few seconds. "Are you really Merle Dixon's brother?"

 

"Yeah. Uh, why?"

 

"You just don't seem anything like him. You seem too timid, too sweet."

 

"Ya know my brother?"

 

"Everyone knows Merle," she chuckled. "But do I KNOW him? No, not really. My older sister used to hang around him. What. An. Ass." She smiled at him. "No offense."

 

Daryl smirked. 

 

"I've heard worse about Merle. So, what's your name anyway?"

 

"Helen. You know, like the woman who's beauty launched a thousand ships?"

 

"I think I know that story... So," Daryl said after while. "It's normal for a man to not, uh, you know," he gestured down there with beet red cheeks.

 

Helen leaned over and put out her cigarette. 

 

"That's kind of a loaded question..." She tilted her head slightly. "Let me ask you this, have you ever had an erection?"

 

Daryl gave a small nod.

 

"That was caused by a woman?"

 

Daryl's whole body was flaming and his stomach was twisting. He couldn't believe he let his friends talk him into this. Now he was talking to a strange woman about his... issue. This wasn't supposed to happen. He was going to come in there, break out all that manly bravado and give her the night of her life. And more importantly, prove to himself there was nothing wrong with him, that he just hadn't met the right girl yet.

 

"I- I-"

 

"I won't tell anyone. It's not like I wanna be known as a fag hag or something. I think it's a problem if you can only get turned on by men. If that's the case, I would keep that a secret. People in this town don't take kindly to that, and well, not even Merle could, or would, save you if they found out."

 

"If I did only get turned on by men, how would I fix that?" Daryl asked softly.

 

Helen leaned back against the headboard and shrugged. 

 

"I don't know. Some people think you can't, it's just faulty wiring in your brain or something. I suppose if it were me... I guess I would concentrate really hard? You know, like if I was a homo I would think about hot men and get turned on. The woman you're with doesn't need to know you're not thinking about her. You just have to get it up."

 

Daryl turned to face her. 

 

"But don't ya think love has somethin' to do with it? I mean maybe a person has to find the right girl and fall in love with her first before he can get turned on. I mean if I was gay, I couldn't fake that kind of love."

 

Helen snorted and had to cover her mouth to stifle her laughter. 

 

"Sorry," she apologized. "I can't believe you're related to Merle. Everything you've learned about love seems to come from Disney movies. I hate to burst your bubble, but relationships are mostly built on lust, not love, and by the time you realize who the person you're with is really like? You're strapped with a few brats and are trapped in a loveless, lust-less, marriage. Don't plan your life on love. It rarely happens."

 

"But it does happen..."

 

"Not to people like us."

 

There was a loud pounding on the door.

 

"Ain't ya done in there?"

 

Daryl jumped. 

 

"Yeah, fuck! Give me a sec." He gave one last glance at Helen.

 

"Sorry I couldn't make your eighteenth birthday something special. Like I said, I'm not gonna tell anyone, but you just remember to keep your lips sealed as well."

 

\---------------------------------------------------------------

 

"Beau," Daryl whispered hoarsely. "Da- Rick loves Elaina."

 

The cat let out a low cry, more to complain that Daryl was squeezing too tight and getting his fur wet rather than engaging in a conversation with the man.

 

"Elaina works wif Rick," Daryl explained. He hugged Beau tighter and leaned forward. "An' Elaina likes him back!"

 

Beau growled.

 

"Sorry," Daryl said sitting up and relaxing his grip on the animal. "Rick an' Elaina are gonna get married an' then she'll wan' a real baby and she'll make me leave!" He glanced down at Beau. "She'll make ya leave too, so I suggest ya start listenin' to me."

 

He sat in his crib and cried quietly while he stroked Beau's back.

 

"But she's nice to me, maybe she'll let me stay," he whispered after awhile. "Maybe she'll wanna be my mommy or somefin'... But I don' wan' her!" He whined. "I wan' it to be jus' me an' Rick." Daryl nibbled his lip. "Beau? If I tell ya somefin', will ya tell an'body?"

 

Beau was now relaxing in Daryl's lap, snoozing lightly.

 

"If ya tell, people might hurt me. So, it has to be a secret."

 

Daryl stared at the cat for a minute.

 

"I gotta problem," he sniffled. "I like men, the way I'm s'pposed to like women... An I- I'm in love with Rick. I've always been in love wif him, well, not always," he admitted. "I didn't like 'im so much when he left Merle back in A'lanta, but he went back to save 'im. An' he saved me from Woodburry an' then he let Merle stay wif us a'cause he wanted me to stay. An' when I was in'na hosp'al he came ev'ry day and called me ev'ry night a'fore I had to sleep. Then he took me home an' saved me 'gain."

 

Daryl rubbed his eyes.

 

"But Rick likes women. He's normal. An' if I tell 'im I love him that way he'll get 'gusted an' send me 'way. He wouldn't hurt me, but he won't wan' someone who 's sick like me stickin' round."

 

The tears in Daryl's eyes began to flow in earnest.

 

"I wan' Rick to love me back, grown up love me back. But how do I do that? A girl once told me if I fink about men when I'm wif women then I'll be able to be with them, but that didn't work. I jus' knew I was with a woman an' I couldn't... So, maybe Rick can't either. Maybe he can't pretend like that. But Rick loves me. I know he does. Maybe it's not grown up love, but it's love. I didn't love those girls I was wif... Maybe that's why it didn't work. But maybe I can convince Rick to love me more... But how? Beau?" He asked, tugging on the cat's ear lightly. "How do I make Rick love me more?"

 

Beau glanced at him with narrowed eyes before licking Daryl's hand and dozing off once more.

 

Daryl gave a small smile through his tears.

 

"I ain't gonna lick 'im, Beau." He moved to lay down on his side and pulled the cat to his chest. "What if I did change his mind, though? An' we were together, people would get mad at us for bein' fags an' Rick would get hurt. But we keep this a secret. Maybe, maybe we can be together and keep that a secret too."

 

Daryl began to relax against Beau's warm body.

 

"I gotta do somefin'," he yawned. "I wan' Rick to be in love wif me."

 

Rick was starting to worry about how long Daryl had been napping. It was closing in on three hours. Daryl normally slept for one and a half, two at the most.

 

Maybe he was getting sick? No. That would have been more gradual and there would be physical symptoms. Something had happened. Something so small that he failed to realize it.

 

Rick was getting better with picking up on Daryl's emotions and what set him off, but it wasn't easy. Especially since Daryl could be thrown off by the tiniest things that were just mundane to everyone else.

 

He was pretty sure that whatever was bothering the other man had to do with Elaina. Yes, he was a little off when they got to the store, but that still happened sometimes when they went out and he could have picked up on other people's frantic behavior from the upcoming storm. She did something, and he had quite an urge to call her up and chew her out over it. But what was it? He couldn't yell at her about something that she probably didn't even know either. And whatever happened, happened in the few minutes they were talking in the store. Otherwise, Daryl would've acted out the last time they met her.

 

Rick wracked his brain.

 

BUT SHE DIDN'T DO ANYTHING.

 

Finally, he decided to go check on Daryl. When he got up to the nursery he was surprised to find him laying awake in his crib.

 

"Hey, bud. Why didn't you call me?" He asked as he went to lower the crib rail.

 

Daryl gave a small shrug. 

 

"I was finkin'," he whispered.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so sorry, everyone. I know this is long overdue. My depression is just so bad lately I rarely feel like doing anything. But I'm gonna try and get to comments as soon as possible.

Rick hauled Daryl onto his hip. 

 

"Did you sleep at all?"

 

"I fink," Daryl said quietly while making grabby hands for his blanket. "A wittle."

 

Rick grabbed the blanket and handed it over. 

 

"You've been up here for awhile. It's almost time for dinner."

 

"I ain't hungry."

 

"Not an option. Are you wet?"

 

Daryl shook his head.

 

"Are you sure? Do I need to check?" Rick questioned seriously.

 

"I ain't," Daryl whined. "Can I jus' go watch T.V. or play now?"

 

"Sure you can." Rick carried Daryl downstairs and into the family room. "What should we play?"

 

Daryl tried to wiggle down, but Rick held him firmly.

 

"I wanna play by myself," he mumbled.

 

Rick let out a small sigh. Whatever was bothering Daryl wasn't solved by sleep, which he was so desperately hoping for.

 

"I have another idea. How about we cuddle up on the couch and read? Hmm? Does that sound good?"

 

Daryl stopped moving. At any other time that would have sounded good, but being so physically close to Rick at the moment wasn't settling.

 

"I fink I'll jus' play by myself."

 

Rick shook his head. 

 

"I think we're gonna relax with a story. Do you want a bottle?"

 

It's not like Rick was completely against Daryl playing by himself, everyone needs their space after all, but he was still under advisement from the doctors. He wasn't allowed to leave Daryl alone when he was upset. There had already been one too many accidents when he left Daryl by himself only to work himself into hysterics.

 

Daryl scowled. 

 

"No. I wanna play by myself," he hissed.

 

"Daryl Dixon, you do not use that tone with me. I know you're upset, but that's not an excuse for bad behavior."

 

Daryl slipped his thumb into his mouth. He glanced down shamefaced. He hadn't meant to speak that way to Rick. That wasn't going to win the other man's affections.

 

"'M sorry, Daddy," he whispered.

 

Rick's face instantly softened. He walked them over to the couch and sat down. 

 

"Bud, I hate seein' you like this, do you know that? Your pain is my pain. I wanna fix it, but I can't if you don't tell me what's wrong. Can you tell me? Please?" Rick practically begged. "There's nothin' you can't tell me."

 

Daryl wished that were true, but this was something no one could or would understand. Saying the words would push away and disgust the older man. He had to find another way to tell Rick what the problem was. Besides, it was hard enough just telling the cat, telling the man he was in love with seemed like an impossible feat.

 

"I told ya, 's too cold," Daryl whispered.

 

Rick couldn't help the forlorn sigh that passed through him.

 

"How about we read your favorite?"

 

Daryl shrugged.

 

"Can you find it on the shelf?"

 

Daryl nodded and got up to retrieve the book. He could pick that book out of a pile of hundreds, and that was with his poor reading skills. He was also pretty positive he could pick it out with his eyes closed if it was their worn in copy.

 

He handed Rick the board book and tried to take his own spot on the couch, but the other man snagged him and pulled him down into his lap.

 

"Owl Babies," Rick said, smiling. "To tell you the truth I have this memorized by now, but I like looking at the owls."

 

"Uh huh," Daryl replied quietly.

 

Rick opened the book and began reading. As upset as he was, the familiar words fell over him and Daryl was able to lean into the embrace and relax. Then they got to their part.

 

"What does Bill say?" Rick asked.

 

"Dunno," Daryl said quietly.

 

"Yes, you do. Come on, what does Bill say?"

 

Rick pointed to the first word. 

 

"I..."

 

"Wan' my mommy," the little boy whispered. Stupid Bill. Mommies were overrated and got in the way. Especially mommies named Elaina.

 

"See? I knew you knew it. Now, what would my Daryl say?"

 

Daryl blushed slightly. This had been their little game since Rick first read him the book.

 

He shrugged.

 

Rick wrapped his arm around him tighter. 

 

"Come on, what would my Daryl say?" Rick tried gently. "I want," he started. His voice trailed on the last word.

 

"My Daddy," Daryl whispered. He could feel his tears wanting to make a comeback. He sniffed and wiped his eyes. "I wan' my Daddy."

 

Rick sighed and set the book down.

 

"Daryl-"

 

"'S jus' too cold! I ain't upset! P'ease don' be mad!"

 

"Daryl," Rick said surprised. "I could never, ever, ever be mad at you. You're my good, favorite boy."

 

"I know, 'kay?" the little boy sniffled. "I jus' gotta be by myself and fink."

 

Rick glanced at the clock on the cable box. Their schedule had taken a bit of a stumble and it was already time to get dinner started.

 

"Alright, but you know I can't leave you unsupervised when you're upset. So, if you're not going to be where I can see you, you need to go in your playpen."

 

Daryl hated that thing. Being asleep in a crib was one thing, but being awake in a playpen was a horse of a different color. It made him feel like a caged animal. At least the crib was comfortable and it was never used as a form of "time out". With the crib, he was able to get out whenever he wanted, as long as Rick helped him. The other man wasn't too keen on him climbing out. But the thought of his usual comfort space, the back of the downstairs’s hall closet didn't seem any better. He could practically hear Merle taunting and making endless jokes about "being stuck in the closet".

 

"'Kay," Daryl nodded.

 

Rick was a bit shocked by his response. He was sure that that would have snapped him back somewhat, or at the very least he would ask if he could go into his "secret" hiding spot. Rick had recently cleared out space in the closet and set it up with pillows, a few books, toys, and a flashlight. Although the playpen was safer, Daryl's compliance to stay in it just made him more worried.

 

"Are, are you sure? Because you can sit at the kitchen table while I cook..."

 

"Nuh uh. Playpen p'ease."

 

Rick slipped out from under Daryl and led him to the corner of the family room where the oversized playpen was located. He helped him inside before going over to the TV and finding one of the shows the baby liked.

 

"You call me if you need me, got it?" Rick asked.

 

Daryl nodded as he began picking out a few toys.

 

Rick ruffled his hair lightly and then went to the kitchen.

 

Now that the other man was preoccupied with something other than him, he could get some planning done. He had to come up with a way to get Rick to fall in love with him, but how? This wasn't really his field of expertise. All the times he was with a girl was because she approached him first or some "friends" of his pushed him into the situation. It was only him and Rick now unless Elaina had something to say about it of course.

 

Beau approached the playpen and pawed at it.

 

Daryl held up his hand. 

 

"Did'ya think of somethin'?" He whispered.

 

Beau licked his fingers through the mesh.

 

Daryl's eyes widened.

 

It was like a light bulb went off in his head. He could practically hear the click. Beau was telling him what to do all along! And he was right, it was the only way to make it clear. It wasn't going to be easy, though.

 

"You're a pretty smart kitty, Beau."


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't know how many of you visit my LJ, but my second to last most recent entry kind of explains why I've been sort of m.i.a. (actually, with little action). My depression just seems to be at an all time high... or low. I just want to say I'm really sorry everyone for the lack of updates.

Daryl had a plan. It was risky and made his stomach twist, but not in a bad way. It wasn't necessarily a good way, it was just different. All he had to do now was wait for the perfect time, and that time would be when Rick was tired. It wouldn't take too long. Usually they napped together during the day and since Daryl slept in his crib, Rick didn't have much of an excuse to lay down. Not that Rick would have been able to sleep anyway, he was too worried about his baby.

 

Rick had taught him this little trick. When a person is tired and about to fall asleep, they sometimes say things they don't mean. Rick called it being highy suggestive. The older man sometimes used it to get Daryl to talk about things that were bothering him. Daryl liked to use it to get what he wanted for breakfast. He got Daddy to make waffles four times in one week once.

 

Daryl sighed.

 

But this was a hell of lot bigger than waffles.

 

He sat in his playpen and entertained himself for awhile by dangling various toys over the edge to play with Beau. The cat finally grew tired of working for something he wasn't ever going to catch and stalked off. When Daddy finally came to set him free the baby had lost himself in his new reusable sticker book. Once the other man had told him things like stickers and glitter were for everybody Daryl found himself really enjoying them. He could make up his own stories and he didn't have to stumble on big, dumb words he didn't know.

 

"How are you feeling?" Rick asked as he picked Daryl up and set him on his hip. "Looks like you're working on an interesting story there. Are you gonna tell it to me later?"

 

"Huh?" Daryl wasn't even aware of the other man's presence until he felt his familiar arms wrapped around him. "Uh, maybe later."

 

"I made your favorite," Rick said as he tried to sit down in one of the chairs.

 

Daryl wiggled away. 

 

"I wanna sit in my highchair, Daddy."

 

"Come on, bud. I haven't had nearly enough cuddles from you today."

 

Daryl rushed over to his chair and nervously shifted from foot to foot. He didn't want to hurt Rick's feelings, but he couldn't lose his nerve. He had to stay strong. It may be painful now, but it was going to hurt like hell if Elaina got in there and split them apart.

 

Daddy helped Daryl into his chair and strapped him in before setting the tray in place. He sat himself down and placed the little boy's plate in front of him, but didn't hand over any of the plastic utensils to Daryl.

 

"Daddy?"

 

"It's too hot right now so I'm gonna feed you tonight," Rick explained.

 

Daryl wanted to argue that, but he stopped himself. Daddy didn't like it when little boys told grown ups how to do things. Not to mention the guilt he was feeling about pushing Rick away was getting heavier.

 

The guilty feeling became more adamant when he took the first forkful of food into his mouth. Yes, it was hot, but not nearly so hot that he couldn't of fed himself. And judging by Rick's sheepish expression, he knew it too.

 

Daryl wanted to tell Rick that he was going to make everything better, but he couldn't without telling him how. So he kept silent, except for answering a few questions Daddy asked him.

 

In the tub Daryl was reluctant to play. Daddy started any game he got engaged in. But Daryl knew if he stewed too long he would chicken out and Elaina would move in, kick him out, and Rick would never see him again. Not even to meet up for a gross cup of coffee or to tell him what the weather was like.

 

"Daddy?" He asked as he wiped the bubbles from his face.

 

"What is it, little man?"

 

"'M sleepy."

 

Rick sat back and sighed. 

 

"Maybe I should take your temperature."

 

Daryl's eyes widened and he shook his head wildly. 

 

"Ain't sick an' don' need that thing stickin' me."

 

Rick smiled. He was glad to see some spirit back in his boy. 

 

"Are you sure?"

 

"Uh huh," Daryl replied, holding his arms out. "I gotta s'eep an' ya needa a rest too a'cause ya didn't nap today."

 

Rick laughed. 

 

"Am I getting cranky?" He reached for a towel off the warmer.

 

Daryl gave a small smile. 

 

"No, ya just look sleepy an' 'm worried 'bout ya."

 

"But that's not your job, right?"

 

Daryl nodded. He knew Rick didn't like him worrying about him. But Daryl didn't understand why. Rick said he worried about him because he cared about him. Well, Daryl cared about Rick, a lot. So, he should be allowed to worry about him from time to time.

 

Daddy kept up a gentle patter as he got Daryl into a clean diaper and one of his coziest sleepers. Once that task was accomplished they settled into the oversized rocking chair for the routine nighttime bottle.

 

"So, it's the end of the day. Do you have anything to tell me?"

 

Daryl shook his head.

 

Rick was too tired to combat that response so he fed Daryl the rest of his bottle and got him settled in his crib. As soon as he lay Daryl down, Beau jumped in beside him.

 

"You're my favorite, good boy, you know that?" He asked as he carded his fingers through Daryl's hair.

 

Daryl smiled behind his thumb. 

 

"You're my fav'rite, good Daddy."

 

Rick chuckled as he slid the side of the crib up.

 

"Night, sweet boy."

 

"Night, Daddy." Daryl curled up on his side and pulled Cloud, his blanket, and Beau to his chest.

 

Rick flicked on the nightlight and left the room. It was a long day and his head hurt. He just wanted to lay down and hope that whatever upset Daryl would be a thing of the past in the morning.

 

Daryl closed his eyes and listened closely.

 

This was it.

 

Rick was washing his face, then he would change into his pajamas and settle in for the night. The time to commence "Beau's Genius Plan" was now.

 

Daryl lightly shoved Beau away from him and scrambled to his knees.

 

Rick was about to switch off the light next to his bed and get comfortable. Daryl had roughly ten minutes before the other man was out. He grabbed the bars and stood up. He slipped one leg over then the other before carefully lowering himself down to the floor. With one last glance at Beau he crept out of the room.

 

With the only light coming from Daryl's nightlight, it was dark. Luckily, Rick liked to keep the hallways clean just in case they had to make a quick exit or the more realistic scenario, he had to get to Daryl fast when he had a nightmare.

 

With a deep breath Daryl slipped into Rick's room and silently crossed the floor over to the big bed. He climbed in, careful not to jostle the other man.

 

Rick let out a groan, halting Daryl's movements. He sat still for a minute and listened to make sure Rick was still somewhat asleep. Once everything was silent again Daryl crawled on top of the older man and straddled his thighs.

 

That woke Rick up with a start. He was able to make out the familiar silhouette and leaned over to switch the light on.

 

"Daryl, if you want Daddy you have to call for me. It's not safe for you to be climbing-"

 

Daryl cupped Rick's cheeks and stared intensely into his eyes.

 

The look Daryl was giving him unsettled him. His eyes were deep, like he could see forever. 

 

"Hey, bud, maybe we should go relax in the rocking chair for a bit."

 

Daryl shook his head slightly and leaned forward. He pulled Rick close and pressed his lips firmly against his.


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I just want to say thank you to all those who left kudos and comments of support. You guys have no idea how much it means to me<333 Especially during this time of desperate need. Thank you all so, so much. I love you all!!!

It was working. Rick didn't shove him away, instead, he was eagerly kissing back.

 

Daryl didn't know what he was really doing. He never kissed anyone like this before. All the other times it was more mechanical, but this kiss was filled with passion. He decided to let go of all his thoughts and let his emotions take over. He let every hidden desire and need guide his lips, his tongue, and eventually his hands. But while he took the initiative, he was grateful in more ways than one when he felt Rick take control and he gently lowered him to his back.

 

When he heard and felt the other man moan, Daryl slid his hands from Rick's shoulders and let them roam down to the waist line of the other man's lounge pants.

 

That's when Rick broke away.

 

"No," he panted. "Stop. We can't." He sat back up, leaving Daryl shocked and on his back.

 

Daryl stared back completely stunned. Rick liked it! He was kissing back, and not just kissing, but kissing with feeling. There was a spark there. And to be perfectly blunt, the lower half of the older man wasn't forming any sign of rejection.

 

"You're confused," Rick whispered. He ran his hands over face. "You're confused."

 

Daryl pushed himself back up and went in again.

 

Rick grabbed his shoulders and held him back.

 

"Daryl. Stop!"

 

Daryl couldn't believe it took this turn. He jumped off the bed, grabbing the sides of his head.

 

No. No. No. This wasn't happening. He had Rick kissing him back. He loved him.

 

Daryl let out a frustrated shriek.

 

Rick grimaced. 

 

"Daryl, let's go into the nursery and talk."

 

"NO. You kissed me back! You wanted me back!" the younger man screamed.

 

"Bud, you're confused about your feelings. You're mixing up the different kinds of love-"

 

"No! You're confused! But we can do this! I know it's wrong, but we can keep it a secret! Like we keep the other thing a secret." Daryl pleaded, somewhat hysterically. "It can be a secret."

 

Rick threw the covers the rest of the way off and stood up. He knew the signs and he could tell Daryl was about to spiral out of control if he didn't do something. Do what, he didn't really know, but do something. He crossed the floor to the other man and gripped his shoulders tightly. Daryl tried to twist away, but Rick managed to pick him up and haul him back over to the bed.

 

"Lem'me go!" Daryl yelled. "You're confused! You kissed me back! You love me! I know it! You kissed me back!"

 

Rick held the other man with all his might. He bit his lip to keep from crying out when he received an elbow to his chest. Still, he wouldn't let go. He continued to shush and hum Daryl back to a calmer state.

 

"It's okay," Rick whispered. "Everything's fine."

 

Tired, frustrated, and with no way of escaping, Daryl fell limp into Rick's arms and burst into tears. 

 

"I love you, I love you," he repeated through his sobs.

 

"Oh, bud. It's okay."

 

"I love you!"

 

"I know you do. It's okay."

 

That wasn't the response Daryl wanted and it only made him cry harder.

 

Rick was helpless. He had no idea where this was coming from. He was confused and surprised. He knew Daryl had feelings for him, everyone knew, but he didn't think they would come out like this. He continued to soothe Daryl by humming familiar tunes and even reciting Owl Babies while he gently rocked him back and forth. It took nearly an hour before Daryl's cries began to subside.

 

"Bud," Rick said after awhile. "Can you tell me why you love me?"

 

Daryl rubbed his eyes. 

 

"Ya take care of me," he whispered hoarsely.

 

"Yeah, that's what daddies are supposed to do." Rick used his sleeve to gently clean the other man's face.

 

Daryl shook his head. 

 

"Ya always take care of me. In Georgia too. Ya went back for Merle in Atlanta, ya saved me from Woodbury and let Merle stay with us just so I wouldn't leave. I saw your face when I walked away!" Daryl stopped for a moment. "I went back because I belonged with ya."

 

"I think we took care of each other, we still do."

 

"I know, but I could have taken care of myself back then. Merle and I could've made it. I stayed with ya. I stayed because I love ya."

 

"What made you think of all this stuff?" Rick asked softly.

 

"Today, in the store. Elaina touched you."

 

Rick furrowed his brow. 

 

"She did?"

 

Daryl sat back and stared at him disbelief. 

 

"Yes! She rubbed your arm! She looked at ya funny!"

 

"Oh, bud," Rick chuckled. "That was nothin'. Elaina has a fiance-"

 

"So?" Daryl cut him off. "That don't mean nothin'."

 

Rick nodded slowly. He knew what the other man was referring to. 

 

"It does to me," he said seriously.

 

"I was afraid... I loved ya a lot longer than Elaina. You're mine and I thought..."

 

"She was gonna take me away from you?"

 

Daryl replied with a small nod.

 

"I know what you're gonna say, that I did this 'cause I was scared or jealous, but it just made me realize that I was in love with ya and have been for a long time. I ain't confused. I let ya take me home and do this 'cause I trusted ya. I trust ya 'cause I love ya. I know there's different kinds of love and I know what kind this is."

Rick frowned. He brushed Daryl's bangs out of his eyes. 

 

"So, you don't really want to be my baby?"

 

"What? No! I do, but I wanna be your everything else too. I know it's wrong-"

 

"What's wrong?" Rick asked.

 

"A man lovin' another man," Daryl replied quietly.

 

"Daryl, bein' gay isn't wrong. Sure, there are some people who don't like it, but there's always going to be someone out there who thinks somethin' is wrong. If one person likes chocolate, and another person says it's gross, does that mean the person who likes it is sick?"

 

Daryl shook his head. 

 

"But," he hiccuped. "That's different. That's food."

 

"I know, but you're not sick. Being gay isn't something that you choose," Rick paused. He gazed at a spot on the wall. "I know."

 

"How?" Daryl sniffled. 

 

"When I was young, I knew there was somethin' off about me. I didn't have an interest in women. The thought of bein' with them made me feel... nothin'. When I was eighteen I told my parents. They told me I just hadn't found the right girl yet. My dad told me to fake it, that life was just about getting married and having kids. I don't agree with him, but I did back then. So, I kept tryin' to find the right one. Then I met Lori. At the time she was perfect. She was everything I thought I wanted in another person, but I still couldn't bring myself to be with her. Then one night we went to a party. I got so shit-faced, but I was able to have sex with her, or so she says. The next day I took off before she even woke up. I hated myself for it, but I felt like I betrayed a part of myself from just havin' sex with her. I was ready to run from her, my parents, that whole town. I was determined to find a place I could be myself."

 

"But ya married her," Daryl pointed out.

 

Rick nodded and hugged Daryl tightly. 

 

"But I didn't want to. Just when my plans were coming together she called me. She was hysterical, saying that she was pregnant. I didn't know what to do. I didn't want her, but I didn't want to be the kind of person to take off on their kid. So, I did what I thought was right. I married her and we lived unhappily."

 

"There's no such things as love. It's just for Disney movies," Daryl whispered.

 

"What?"

 

"Someone told me that once."

 

"Of course there's love. You're in love with me, and I'm in love with you."

 

Daryl scrambled up at that. 

 

"Really? You... You're in love with me back?"

 

Rick couldn't help but chuckle at Daryl's excitement. 

 

"Yes, and there's a whole group of people who would testify to that statement," he smirked.

 

Daryl smiled bashfully.

 

"Do you remember what I said that night we chose to do this? I said if it turned into something more I would want that too. Back then you didn't understand, but do you know what I meant now?"

 

Daryl nodded. Rick did say that he forgot. 

 

"You wanted a grown up relationship too?"

 

"That's right. I just wanted you to be ready. I wanted you to make the choice to be with me, otherwise, I would've thought I was takin' advantage of you."

 

"I'm ready now. I wanna be with ya."

 

Rick smiled and leaned his head down to place a gentle kiss to the other man's lips.

 

"Then let's do this. There's no reason we can't have everything."


End file.
